I am sitting here thinking and pondering just what is this thing we call a relationship. It seems that we just drift like the sea never fully connecting in this world that is suppose to be connecting us. The life just keeps on moving and as the world moves by I feel myself lapping at the sand while you sit on the sand dunes staring at me questioning just why I keep this up. Yet you don't see that it is simply to be back with you. It is no more than the need or the desire for us to move as one as we used to. I can't even begin to make you understand the loss I feel as I keep lapping and pushing for you to simply open your eyes and see me, hear me as I call out to you. Life was never like this before. It was a movement of one. Now as you sit on the sand dunes watching me I feel as though I have lost a large part of me. The sole reason I even started lapping at the sands is gone. You say nothing is ever enough but what you don't see is that you've made little steps on the dunes and there is still a large beach to walk or push through. Even at high tide I am still not reaching you at the dunes. You don't see that I am restricted by how far I can move towards you because of a disease, a illness that prevents me from even thinking straight on some days. Even just today my thoughts were crowded with how you didn't see the new changes. Maybe I am not the right one for you because I don't enjoy the games you like on the little beach that you sit on. Maybe I am not the right one because 80% of the time I can't even erase all the writing people put between us. Maybe I am not the right one because I am polluted with so much that I can't even function as I could. The sadness seeps into me and corrupts me further. The things that are meant to make me function correctly only poison me further but this time instead of it being with a pain it is with thoughts of things I don't want to drift into. I waited for you.... for what seemed like forever. Knowing that there probably was never going to come a day that we were going to be together. Then you come down and tease me with the chance and possibilities to touch and be a part of you, for us to be one and then you left me. Working and struggling to be one again and for what? For me to never fully be able to reach you anymore? I don't think you can imagine the things running in my head anymore. When I attempt to voice them I get fussed at. I just don't know anymore that this game of catch is working.
You ocean of possibilities if you would just open your baby blues